NTS

I feel more lost now than ever before
Lost in the hurricane gale
Some days, I just lay on the floor
Paralyzed by this grief and sadness
It come in waves, every seventh wave
Makes me lose control
Some days, I can’t find any words anymore
Can’t stumble now, I know, I know, I. Know.
Talking to you, everyplace I go
I know, you would never leave us alone
Every time you left, you always returned to atone
Did you die thinking death was a dream?
Did you die without any pain?
Knowing you were surrounded by love?
Did you know we knew your genius?
Did you know you were our hero?
Did you know that you were our heart?
Death dragged you away from our embrace
Death keeps you from answering my desperate calls
I want to time travel, to meet you in the simple times
I want to smoke with you and laugh away the days
I want to swim in the ocean, our bodies skimming in the waves
I can’t be mad at your body, because it was so beautiful
I can’t be mad at your diet, you treated your body like a temple
The universe is, and your life was part of the universe
Everything is everything, I see you in everything
I will find my voice, my love for you, and I will sing
Grief, is an insult to the power of the emotion
Nobody took you home, you were fucking stolen
My heart is swollen and broken, but I’m not hopeless
I was raised to float, to fight, to never mesh
Without you, I will always feel like something is missing
You join the ancestors, the vestige of our existences
I cry every morning, to honor your life
I got comfortable, standing on the knife
I didn’t feel the danger, the impending doom
The time was stagnant, and we lost our groove
I loved you more than I love myself
I lived for your happiness, for your health
Spent our time on the paper chase
Spent our time regretting our waste
Years filled with toil, my brain boils in my skull
Everyone telling me, how good I’m doing
Each day, I feel more of myself losing
I’m sinking lower, I feel colder
I’ll never be the same man, I was before
I am glad you are free, from the debts and the stress
There is no afterlife, no heaven or hell for me
I wish I could believe in the fairy tales they tell me
Mama held your hand to make it warm that day
Poppa couldn’t stand, we wailed for you Natchie
I feel you inside of me and I will protect you
I wish I could of helped strengthen your heart
I see your face smiling every night in the dark
I see all the telltale history of your body’s betrayal
Over my shoulder, I see the hints of your body’s one flaw
I see the beauty of life and the reality of death, in your life and tale
Your son is everything you wanted him to be
He is your gift to the world, and its clear to me
He listened to everything you said; I can see it in his eyes
He is funny, kind, and righteous, like you were Natchez